At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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