pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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