I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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