in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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