he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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