I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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