Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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