He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
