Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
