I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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