Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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