Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
