thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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