I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
