So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
