he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
