man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
