i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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