ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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