some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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