I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
