i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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