i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
