Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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