Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
