he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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