Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize