I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
