mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Less talking, more tequila
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
