Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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