mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
