last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
