I think my fart just growled at me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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