Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
