I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
