Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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