my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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