take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
