At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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