Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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