i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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