you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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