You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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