I think I died a long time ago.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
