Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
