Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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