I accidentally had phone sex last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You can't special order awesome
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
