He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
