Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
