Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
