ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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