she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
