he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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