Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize