Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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