I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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