i think i have two assholes
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
