Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
