I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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