how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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