Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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