I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
