he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
