I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
