is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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