True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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