I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
