Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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